The Untold Story

By: Lizzie Cothran

If you’re in the military, you probably understand. You’ve probably been there. You probably get it. If you haven’t, you’re living a completely different life.

Relationships are something that most people tend to assume as the same no matter the situation. Problems will always be expected, but one that deals with the military in combination is a problem all in itself. There is nothing quite like it.
Spouses of military men rarely ever get recognition for the life they live, things they go through, and the support they continuously give.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Relationships are hard enough when you see each other every day. Try being apart for weeks, maybe months, at a time. Add in the extra stress of the military lifestyle, and you’ve got the recipe for disaster. But some people make it work. Some people take that disaster and turn it into a chance to be something amazing with someone special.

Some couples decide to take the extra step to prove that the love they have is worth it. Tiffany and Cory Bridges have been together for four years and married for one. Cory has been enlisted as active duty with the United States Marine Corp for their entire relationship.

Tiffany has lived with her mom for the entirety of their relationship because Cory has been moved around for schooling and things just never worked out for them to live together. Thinking about the four years together, Tiffany shares that there has been quite a few emotional moments, but “Even though we’ve been apart for pretty much our whole relationship, I feel like we’re a very strong couple and we don’t let anything break us down.”

Cory knows that if there is one thing that the Marine Corp has taught him, its patience. “Of course there are the ‘what if’s’ but we lay out rules of our relationship and communication is a big key.”

Living separate as a married couple is hard for the young newlyweds. “I know it’s something we have to do, and this experience will be worth it in the long run,” Tiffany states.

Young Love

Marriage is a huge step in anyone’s life, but a lot of young Marines take that giant leap earlier than most people.

Tiffany and Cory were 18 and 20-years-old when they were married just a few months ago. She recalls, “People thought we were crazy for getting married so young, but about all the marines I know are married at a young age.”

Kaci Williams, another Marine wife, defends her marriage. “It’s just a whole different lifestyle. You just live in the moment and don’t take your time with the person you love for granted because you never know when they’ll be gone!”

According to the Defense Manpower Data Center, the divorce rate for Marines is 20 percent higher than that of the general population. So, that leaves the divorce rate at about 75 percent for Marine Corp marriages.

There are several reasons that research has shown for Marines to marry sooner than average civilians. Some see it as a way to gain a few extra dollars from Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH), but when they move out of the barracks, they realize that the money they receive is barely enough to support a family with.

Others marry because they are lonely, and the company of someone for support and may jump to decisions that carry a large burden with it. The Defense Manpower Data Center claims that a lot of Marines are young and aren’t mature enough to make life-long decisions, and should talk to a supervisor before deciding anything one way or the other.

When faced with the facts, young couples are protective of their decisions. Tiffany claims, “We’ve had our moments where it gets rocky, but what relationship doesn’t?”

Even if the facts are scary, the reality is that couples will continue to face the difficulties. Some decide to get married for the reasons that research has shown, but others actually use the real reason for marriage, love.

Regardless of the reason, those that truly do love their spouse deal with situations that most people never will see in their lifetime. None of the pain or loneliness ever gets easier, no matter the money you receive or honor given for the sacrifices they make.

Mary Beth Holyfield, Tiffany’s mother, fully supports the relationship between the two. She has been the rock for her daughter throughout the four years of Cory’s Marine career. “Of course the negative stories affect the relationship, and bad things happen. But good things happen too, and their relationship presses on.”

Reasons for the Struggle

Sometimes couples hear the news before, and other times, they’re not so fortunate and make rushed decisions. Even after hearing the news, some decide that the love they have is worth the try.

“I love my husband more than anything, and I can honestly say he’s my best friend,” Tiffany says despite the research. “Distance can really make or break you, but you learn to hold on and never let go when it really matters.”

Both Tiffany and Cory are completely supportive of each other. As much as Cory needs support with the fact that he’s dealing with Marine Corp duties, he realizes that Tiffany needs just as much. “I hate putting her through this,” he admits, “but if we can get through this, we can get through anything together.”

Distance, statistics, and stories take their toll on some, but others tolerate the struggle and move on. Military couples are incompatible unless both parties are fully committed.

The Marine Corp motto is “Semper Fidelis” which means “Always Faithful.” Tiffany knows that the slogan is not only true to the job, but to all parts of life. “Although I’m not the Marine, I am the one that stands behind him, and I live every day knowing that he is worth this,” she declares. “Semper Fidelis defines who we are. Whether we’re young, old, rich or poor, we’ll always be faithful to each other, ourselves, and our relationship.”