The moment Caitlin Courtney made the left-hand turn from the two-lane, country road, onto her driveway, all of the morning's anxiety began to melt away. Thoughts of her friend Sally, who had died the previous week from a heart condition, thoughts of school without Sally, thoughts of graduating in May without Sally by her side, dissapated. Home, home. A few more minutes, and she would be home.
She drove on in auto-pilot. Her silver Infiniti QX4 hugged every every twist, bend, and curve, seeming almost instinctive. Courtney had learned to drive on the driveway that wound its way through the rolling fields. She could shut her brain off. Keep it from thinking about Sally.
The bare trees and brown grass, characteristic of a Kentucky January, whisked by as she sped, at 40 mphs, toward home. Yes, she was probably going a little fast, but it was her driveway. It wasn't dangerous.
Courtney turned the wheel to ease the car around the driveway's final bend, and it happened. The capable SUV had hit a patch of black ice. The car careened, this way and that, all traction gone.
Except for her sinking stomach, Courtney was as frozen in her seat as the patch of ice was on the road. This wasn't supposed to happen. She had already turned off her brain. She couldn't think of what to do.
So, she acted. Instinct made her slam her foot down on the break. She hoped it was the right thing to do.
Wrong. Her instinct sent the car spinning across the driveway, still going 40 mphs.
Crash. The car finally stopped when it hit a tree. Metal crunched and glass splintered. Courtney's father and farm workers came running. Courtney sat in her seat, unable to move from the shock.
When she was finally climbed out of the car, her body was convulsing, but her stare was blank. She had no energy, no drive. She was just so tired. But, at least she was home now.
Monday, September 28, 2009
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This was powerful and easy to follow-- I liked the line, "Metal crunched and glass splintered"
ReplyDeleteGreat recreation of scene. I would add some quotes though for color. Having Courtney express her feelings at the time, what was going through her mind, etc.
ReplyDeleteI love your style of writing, very dramatic. However, I think you should mention more about the relationship between Courtney and Sally. Maybe give some anecdotes?
ReplyDelete:-)
In the beginning there could be some more detail, such as the way the road felt under the tires or what Caitlyn saw around her.
ReplyDeletei really liked the end, especially the line, "her body was convulsing, but her stare was blank", it created a really good picture in my mind.
I like the descriptions and the line "Home, home. A few more minutes and she would be home." I feel like I can hear you speak in your writing and it makes it a quicker read.
ReplyDeleteWow, great description. I can really vision the scene around her and how she must have felt. I really liked the kicker-- "At least now she was home."
ReplyDeleteThis was one of the best I've read yet. My favorite part was "She hoped it was the right thing to do. Wrong." The first sentence makes you immediately want to know if it was right, then right away you get your answer, and want to keep reading. Good descriptions, but I do agree that some quotes would be helpful.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with Lizzie, this has been one of the best ones I've read too - I especially loved the flow of the writing. At first its nice and easy, the drive it like on auto-pilot I think you said, and so we're in this mindset of - what could happen? then the incident. I really liked the way it panned out - especially the metal crunching and the glass shattering, very good detail!
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