By Cathy Caudill
Lizzie is sitting in her battered car on a grassy shoulder off the I-40 exit. She is feeling calmer now, but the astonishment has yet to wear off. The sensation is still there: that overwhelming feeling of absolute helplessness as her little white Mazda 626 was pushed across the road moments before. A do-gooder stops to see if she’s alright—she's fine—and she sends him on his way.
* * *
Cruising at 70 mph. Forty minutes down, 170 to go. A sigh of discontentment: she doesn’t want the weekend to be over—to leave her friends in Winston-Salem as she returns to UNC Wilmington. Class tomorrow.
A sound: metal clanging against metal. A force: her car is being pushed to the right; a line of white dashes flashes beneath the carriage as she is carried out of the middle lane into the right one. A hot bolt of fear streaks through her as she turns to discover that a massive semi-truck is pressed cheek-to-cheek with her teeny-tiny compact sedan. And...release! The semi-truck that had netted her in its drift across the road corrects its path and surges east at 70 mph, as if nothing has happened. Still in a daze, Lizzie finds her way to a nearby exit and parks.
She calls her parents. She calls the police. She calls her boyfriend, who was, fortunately, only 30 minutes behind on the same road, bound with his Marine brother for the base in Le Jeune. She can only speculate on what illegal traffic maneuvers they performed before they reached her, but their 30-minute traveling-time was miraculously reduced to 10; even the cops have not yet reached the scene.
Which is worse: the fact that she had been hit, or the fact that the truck didn’t stop afterward? He didn’t stop to exchange information; he didn’t stop to see if she was okay; he didn’t even stop to apologize. Here is what is worst: that the truck driver is probably entirely unaware that he had hit her. Lizzie is taken aback as the responding police officer explains that truck drivers occasionally nod-off after many hours behind the wheel and sometimes never realize that they have nudged cars on the road.
And the truck driver is unlikely to ever find out (unless his passenger-door bears some tell-tale damage): Lizzie has no idea who he is. As she was focused on regaining control over her car, Lizzie never bothered to memorize his license number or check the side-panels of the trailer for an easy-to-identify advertisement. As much a blind-spot in memory as it was on the road, Lizzie cannot remember what the truck even remotely looks like.
Very detailed account of Lizzie's experience. Again, it would be more colorful and interesting to actually hear from Lizzie herself. So adding some quotes here and there would really help.
ReplyDeleteBeing as it was a story about my accident, it kept my attention! It told it exactly as it happened, so obviously good interview questions. I love that you made it more of a story, because in real life, it seems as if it would be impossible to make it so interesting. I like that there isn't a "happily ever after/ she was ok" type of ending, because in real life, there wasn't. I would break up the paragraphs to make it easier to read.
ReplyDeletei like the way you put what happened afterwards at the beginning to give the audience some idea on what is going on.
ReplyDeleteI like the title a lot. My favorite line is "A sound: metal clanging against metal. A force: her car is being pushed to the right..." Great descriptions. I was a little confused with the accident itself, I would have liked a little more emphasis on the fact that it was a hit and run, even if the driver may have not known he hit her.
ReplyDeleteI like the variety in sentence structure. It makes the article more interesting when you break up the repetition.
ReplyDeleteI found the facts about truck drivers not knowing they graze cars as they do very interesting. You nicely integrated this bit of information without making it seem like you were giving us straight facts.
Very good story, I thought the incident in of itself was unique because its not as bad as getting into a wreck, even though the car had considerable damage, it was unique because it was an experience none of us would be prepared for. I liked the way it was told, and the suspense leading into the climax of the situation. Good job!
ReplyDelete